A wonderful woman and her daughter sent me great feedback and recommended this site:
From observing and belonging to a family with generational high functioning alcoholics, I believe that exposure to addictions raises the bar for identifying abuse. Abuse doesn’t have to be physical. It can be all about control, especially as related to relationships. It can be verbal, emotional and mental. It is still abuse.
To clarify: He may not be physically violent, just physically threatening and generally controlling.
I’ve included some links to resources below:
(Recommended by a reader. Thanks, Anna!)