I am a little less than halfway though Kissing the Hag: the Dark Goddess and the Unacceptable Nature of Women by Emma Restall Orr. It reminds me a good deal of Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stores of the Wild Woman Archetype by Clarissa Pinkola Estes which I read more then 12 years ago.
Hag nature and the wild woman archetype both identify the core need for authenticity which gradually (or suddenly) gets buried under layers of rules and the need for acceptance and approval. I have found that “fitting in” has become less important to me over time. I still need community, but wearing too many masks just makes me tired now. I can’t be bothered .. life’s too short.
Unfortunately, surface (or superficial) relationships demand less of the other person and people are most comfortable with that. Whether because they are reluctant to be authentic themselves or because they prefer their own concept of you and the world, they raise barriers, set limits, and minimize interactions. I don’t expect to get everything I need from one person or one relationship, but I do expect what I am getting to be genuine and supportive rather than distant.
Otherwise, what’s the point?