Thoughts and Links on Dating and Relationships After 50

I was talking to someone about whether my current relationship meets my needs and expectations.  The context was value for investment.  On the other hand, I feel that if this relationship doesn’t work then I am done with dating relationships.  I treated dating seriously after my divorce and it still took two years to find someone who worked for both companionship and intimacy.  While it may be a cliché, the things I find the most attractive all have flip sides that can really cause problems.  The ones that create negativity for me are moodiness, excessive need to be taken care of, and making time exclusively for sex.

Plus, I identified my type after committing to the current relationship:

Men Who Never Grow Up and Four Ways To Interact With Them More Effectively

Often times these men have a host of frustrating behaviors that make it difficult to be close to them, be it romantically or platonically:

·      perpetual irresponsibility (refusal to choose a realistic career path or to spend money wisely),

·      high anxiety (constant preoccupation with the future or the past which sabotages their ability to be present),

·      loneliness (although often this is not outwardly shown or expressed),

·      sex role conflicts (e.g. a strong desire to be the “man” in a relationship or a demand to be “doted on” or “taken care of” by his partner),

·      narcissism and chauvinism (a refusal to apologize for mistakes or pouting behavior when they do not get their way) (Kiley, 1983).

Dating after 40 or 50 means taking control of your love life, just like you do the rest of your life. It means being kind to yourself and the men you meet. It means making good choices

1. Don’t bond over your baggage.
2. Don’t call him if he doesn’t call you.
 Don’t have sex until you’re really ready.
4. Do start by finding 3 things you like about him.
5. Do flirt like a grown-up.
6. Do manage the date conversation.

Show up to your dates open, happy and being your already charming self. It will bring out the best in him and insure that you both have the best time possible. Remember, even if he is not Mr. I Love You, there is something valuable to learn from every date.

Flirting, compliments and waiting for sex: 6 rules for dating after 50 by Bobbi Palmer online at

So the KEY is … when you meet a man (or look at an online dating profile), don’t nitpick what he’s doing and not doing as much as what he wants to do, or is open to doing.

  • Does he seem open to learning?
  • Is he curious?
  • Does he seem interested and excited to share things that you like?
  • What’s on his bucket list?

You may not see all this on the surface. If you like other things about him and he shows potential to have your must-haves, be willing to dig a little, sister.

How Your Old Dating Rules are Keeping You Single by Bobbi Palmer on

Last week Steve {Harvey} did a fantastic show about what men really want. He surveyed 100 single men about love and sex and here are some of the things he found out.

  • Why do men cheat?
    1. Lack of sex 25%
    2. Emotional Detachment 75%  

This didn’t surprise me at all. How about you? Men don’t wander because they just want to get laid. Most often they do it because they are lacking real emotional connection in their relationship.

  • Why is it easy for a man to move on after a relationship?
    1. It’s not easier. We make it look that way. 66%
    2. We were never attached. 5%
    3. When we know you’re not the one, we’re done. 29%

Hello! Men are taught not to show their emotions. They don’t run to pick up the phone to cry to their buddy when they get dumped like we do with our girlfriends. And even if they want to, many really don’t know how. I encourage you not to take a man’s stoic response at things as a sign of not caring or not feeling. Maybe you just need to help him learn to express it.

  • When caught in a lie why do men refuse to admit the truth?
    1. Admitting the truth is admitting defeat. 31%
    2. If I hold my ground she might believe me. 26%
    3. I hate being wrong. 12%
  • Other than love, what do you feel is the most important thing you can give a woman?
    Loyalty – Respect – Honesty – Time – Security

Isn’t that so beautiful? These were the top things men want to give us! And in all my work with grownup men, I can say this goes double for these guys.

What 100+ Single Men Think and Feel About Cheating, Love and More by Bobbi Palmer on

He craves emotional support. Men who find themselves single in their 50s have often been married for many years, so they continue to desire the companionship and emotional support they once shared. However, his longing for closeness might not be all what it seems. “Men like and appreciate feminine support,” Ryan says. “They’ll look for emotional support with a woman and she’ll think, ‘oh, he must like me,” and often times, he just needs the emotional support. He will pursue her through text and online just for that. The woman will then assume they are in a relationship, but they’re really not.” What to do? Clarify your relationship status, stat.

6 Things Women Should Know About Men in Their 50s by Brianne Hogan on