The Urban Dictionary has some interesting definitions for “friends with benefits.” Here are my favorite three:
- Two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved. Typically two good friends who have casual sex without a monogamous relationship or any kind of commitment.
- Two people break up over complications of a serious relationship and decide to continue their relationship a step down, but not far enough as to have physical boundaries.
- When two friends want to flirt, touch, hug, and mess around or more without having to commit or wonder if they are dating.
When you continue to live with someone you used to be serious about, #2 becomes operable. In my situation, we dropped the benefits for a long time and I had no intention of reinstating them. On the other hand, I wasn’t dating or trying to meet anyone else. If you still like the other person and retain some affection, but distrust certain aspects of their personality or behavior (as in my case), reinstating “benefits” can work. In my case, we have a “date night” that is mostly about a little interaction followed by sex. We don’t see each other much the rest of the week due to our conflicting work schedules, but we do keep in touch.
I am planning for retirement and looking for balance in my life. He is all about work, money and getting ahead. As he just turned 66 years old and could reasonably retire at 70 and I am planning for retirement at 59 years old (about 4 1/2 years from now), we could retire and plan a life together. He’s not interested in discussing it … and he doesn’t prioritize any relationship (personal, family or friends) over work. My job now is not getting emotionally attached again. I can be fond and attracted, but that is it … and it has an expiration date.