The Big Kaboom!

    If your life is exploding anyway, you might as well trigger all the land mines and be done with it … or so I decided last Friday night.

    Since my mom and sister had backed out of my birthday brunch and my knitting group had banned me, I decided to tackle my relationship with my SO.  On the way home, I stopped and bought a 6-pack of beer and a bottle of Pepsi for the mixed drinks that I planned on having.  So I got home, and SO was working on his race car.  He took a break to come inside and hear me vent, little knowing how dangerous that was.  I asked most of the hard questions and, while I didn't get answers to them all, I do have the feeling that he'd like to see the relationshp work and does still find me attractive.  That I can build on.
    Later on, my mom called. I actually didn't hear my cell phone ring, but had already decided I wasn't talking to her or my sister until I'd calmed down.  She left a voice mail.  She had confirmed a convenient time with my sister to come down for a visit and, having checked with the others that she wanted to invite, was planning a barbeque the weekend following the 4th of July.  What did I think?  I know I've already used the work "stunned" this week, but really?!  I replied that I would have to check my work schedule, but was doubtful I could spend much time as I was short on leave and didn't know what SO's work or racing schedule looked like. (It turns out that he is racing.)  This morning, I sent a text to them both agreeing to come by myself ONLY for the day of the barbeque.
    What all this upheaval has done is give me a chance to refocus.  When I was dealing with my health issues, I opted for family over friends and that was a mistake.  Families tend to mostly make time for one another in emergencies.  My friends are now offering to make arrangements to visit me.  Just as I had to figure out a mantra for how to revamp my life after the divorce (If it doesn't help me feel young and happy, it's gone.), I need one for this transition:  If it doesn't make me feel valued and appreciated, it's gone (or at least downsized)!

NOTES:  SO = significant other / LS = little sister / EH = ex-husband

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