If your life is exploding anyway, you might as well trigger all the land mines and be done with it … or so I decided last Friday night.
Since my mom and sister had backed out of my birthday brunch and my knitting group had banned me, I decided to tackle my relationship with my SO. On the way home, I stopped and bought a 6-pack of beer and a bottle of Pepsi for the mixed drinks that I planned on having. So I got home, and SO was working on his race car. He took a break to come inside and hear me vent, little knowing how dangerous that was. I asked most of the hard questions and, while I didn't get answers to them all, I do have the feeling that he'd like to see the relationshp work and does still find me attractive. That I can build on.
Later on, my mom called. I actually didn't hear my cell phone ring, but had already decided I wasn't talking to her or my sister until I'd calmed down. She left a voice mail. She had confirmed a convenient time with my sister to come down for a visit and, having checked with the others that she wanted to invite, was planning a barbeque the weekend following the 4th of July. What did I think? I know I've already used the work "stunned" this week, but really?! I replied that I would have to check my work schedule, but was doubtful I could spend much time as I was short on leave and didn't know what SO's work or racing schedule looked like. (It turns out that he is racing.) This morning, I sent a text to them both agreeing to come by myself ONLY for the day of the barbeque.
What all this upheaval has done is give me a chance to refocus. When I was dealing with my health issues, I opted for family over friends and that was a mistake. Families tend to mostly make time for one another in emergencies. My friends are now offering to make arrangements to visit me. Just as I had to figure out a mantra for how to revamp my life after the divorce (If it doesn't help me feel young and happy, it's gone.), I need one for this transition: If it doesn't make me feel valued and appreciated, it's gone (or at least downsized)!
NOTES: SO = significant other / LS = little sister / EH = ex-husband