To Settle or Not

Why should a woman (or, for that matter, anyone) be willing to lower their standards and settle for whatever or whomever they can get, including a marital or romantic partner?  Why put their own priorities second?

Single and never married women tend to be “discriminating” and have a more developed sense of self.  Their committments and responsibilites are not petty or flawed just because they are not the same as those who married.  The are pursuing individual fulfillment.  They are more involved and informed, behaving less selfishly than married peers even if they have children.  They are more politically active, culturally active, civicly active and active outside their immediate family or those organizations directly supporting their own activities and lifestyle.  Having children doesn’t isolate people, marriage does.

Loneliness is the just punishment for single women who prioritize themselves over obtaining a husband just as pregnacy is the just punishment for women who are sexually active outside of marriage.  (Abortion is then viewed as “get out of jail free’ card and thus should be outlawed.)

I find myself evaluating my relationships on what is supportive and positive in them.   Do I need to end them or just refocus them.  How much weight should I give biological family members?  Could I have a companionship relationship with someone of the oppposite sex as meaningful as a close friendship with someone of the same sex?

I think about having this type of conversation with “he whom I now call my casual boyfriend.”  Could we have a successful friendship?  Could we discuss and implement it without recriminations?  Would there be natural evolutionary milestones?  I can forsee a couple:  he intends to work until he drops and I intend to retire in 3-4 years; I want to move into a specialized community facilitating my envisioned retirement lifestyle.

What do you think?

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