I've been clearing space on the DVR by catching up on various shows. I record a lot of OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) programs and they are storage hogs, especially Super Soul Sunday (3 hours each). Last night, I watched the show featuring Ram Dass and the documentary Fierce Grace. Reference wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ram_Dass
When Ram Dass spoke of his guru, he spoke of unconditional love and being known. All our lives we hide various parts of ourselves from the people we know and love because we feel we'd loose their love if they really knew us. I know that I do it all the time. I don't pretend to be something I am not anymore, but I choose not to reveal everything I am. I've embraced my shadow, but I don't reveal it to others. I journal about it, I incorporate it into my decisions, but I act from the perspective of "who I want to be" rather than "who I am." I share the result and not the process of dealing with the initial or darker impulses proceding it. I show the world the person I aspire to become not necessarily who I am now.
I've been thinking about what unconditional love would look like in a relationship since I strongly believe love does NOT mean you give up critical thinking. You don't abdicate responsibility. There is no "get out of jail free" card: Love made me do it – I couldn't help it. Would I value someone who still loved me after finding what I hide and devalue in myself? I wonder if that is what is going on with my SO.
During the recent periods of repeated unemployment and pay cuts, he exhibited some undesireable behaviour. I know and he knows I know, yet I still care about him. If he thnks these things make him unloveable and I love him anyway, does that make me unloveable? I feel his behaviour devalues the relationship for me, but I can separate the behaviour from the person. What does it mean to him? To me, it means tha I may have to end the relationship despite caring about the person.
NOTES: SO = significant other / LS = little sister / EH = ex-husband