Degree of Engagement

I’ve been wondering lately (or again, or still, or as usual) about staying engaged with life.  Merriam-Webster Dictionary’s best definition is:  the act of engaging : the state of being engaged : emotional involvement or commitment.  After the divorce I made a real effort and it lasted into the first couple years of my current relationship.  When that relationship began failing, I became less and less involved.  I stopped feeling “young and happy” and I didn’t get rid of the things in my life preventing it.

“Young and happy” is the mantra I adopted after identifying my pre-divorce state of “old and tired.”  That took about a year and then I began acting based on the new one.  I’ve been trying to identify my current state and a new mantra for renewed engagement.  As my current state, I’ve tried “stuck and distracted.”  I think, however, that it might actually be “stuck and disinterested.”

So, what should the new mantra be to combat that?  Can I figure that out now or do I have to keep flailing about until I have that ah-ha moment that points me in the right direction?  I’ve been re-engaging with politics (as they can’t be ignored under Trump) and trying to write.  I’ve been trying to hang with the current guy more, be cautiously affectionate, and enjoy the weekly booty call.  Even given all this, I’m not sure he’s permanent, especially if Mom and I move in together.  (But that is a discussion for the three of us to have while in Hawaii next month.)

I’ve identified two things to implement now:  more music and getting out of the house.  Getting out of the house right now means stopping for dinner on my way home from work and going to my Wednesday knitting group.  Once home, I do any small necessary tasks and then head for “my room.”  That “my room” thing is a problem.  I feel like an interloper in the rest of the house and there’s more clutter and half-finished projects than I want to deal with.  I can’t really spend time in my library workroom because of the mattress on the floor and stacks of  adjusted stuff.

So, I am going to try to do more during the week and to get out of the house for at least part of the day on the weekend.  If the weather is nice, I’ll go the beach or a park.  If not, I’ll visit someone or somewhere (like a yarn shop or book store) or take a drive to a new place.  And I’ll be thinking about the new mantra:  maybe, clear and focused.

I completed a profile for my level of work engagement, but I believe this is influenced by my plan to retire in four years:

Your Profile Score


Interpreting Your Engagement Level of 3.67

If your engagement level is 4 or higher, congratulations, you have a high level of emotional commitment to your organization. If your score is between 3 and 4, you are considered neither engaged nor disengaged. If your score is less than 3, your currently disengaged in your role and should consider taking actions to increase your engagement, or even consider a career change.